Recently I was driving to a workshop I was presenting at. I’m driving on a road full of cars motoring along with me. Then it happened… A car beside me cut me off and then had the audacity to honk at me because I was too close! I was instantly angry for the rest of the drive and if I am really honest, I was still thinking about it on the way home that evening. Now, I could have been grateful for all the other drivers that day who drove responsibly and respectfully but NO! My brain had to fixate on that one rude driver!
Much to my dismay, my negative-focused brain is normal. Research shows that our brains are wired to focus more easily and remember longer the negative things that happen in our day rather then the positive. It’s all about survival. Our brains prioritize the negative, the things we need to look out for. Unfortunately it’s not very selective. Pretty much anything that triggers a negative emotion is suspect, whether it’s really dangerous or not.
The problem with our negative-biased brain is that it encourages anxiety, stress, anger and unhappiness. Our brain actually doesn’t give a damn if we’re happy, it only cares if we are safe! So what can we do?
We have to teach our brain how to be happy. It’s about giving our reticular activating system (RAS) something positive to look for. One very simple way to do this is to become a “positive awards hander-outer.” I found this activity in a fabulous book called, Happy for No Reason. It works like this…Each day notice things you can reward. For example, here are the awards I’ve handed out so far today. The fuzziest dog award (Celah that’s you!) the greenest lawn award, (thanks neighbors!) the juiciest watermelon award, the kid with the loudest scream award. (That’s not so positive but I’m not perfect!) You get the idea. Refocusing your mind on the positive can be as easy as the Award Game. Play it everyday and you will train your fearful brain that you can and will survive much better when you are happy!
Have an amazing Monday! (and everyday)
Leanna Fredrich, Stress Management Coach, Adv. EFT, Adv. Psych-K
Leanna@amazingmondays.com