There is one grand saboteur every human on the planet has. Let me introduce to you the Judge! If you took The Saboteur Assessment you will notice that the judge was not on the list . The reason it is missing is that it is the universal saboteur. All the other saboteurs are just helpful assistants to the judge.
The judge shows up in three distinct areas… Judging oneself. Judging others. Judging circumstances. You may have called the voice of the the judge “my inner critic.” One of the great big lies that the judge tells us, is that if we did not have it’s voice in our head, we would not get anything done. As if without that judge voice we would just lay around on the couch until we literally starved to death. The truth is, it is the judge that can put us in a frozen mode so we can’t get anything done for fear of failing. It is the judge that makes us react in negative ways at work and at home as we strive for perfection. It is the judge, which causes people to work themselves to death, literally.
Another lie that the judge tells is, “You will be happy when…” We’ve all experienced that lie. Think of a time when you had a big goal. Maybe it was getting that promotion. Finishing a graduate degree. Or getting married. We feel great for a couple seconds or maybe if we’re lucky a couple days. Then what happens? The judge tells us what our next goal is before we can be happy. Most humans die still striving to be happy. The wise part of us knows that we need to practice being happy now no matter what our circumstances but don’t tell that to the judge!
Some people say, ” If I don’t have a judge I’ll never discipline someone on my team who’s not performing.” “Without a judge, I won’t strive to make changes in my life.” I’d like to introduce you to this distinction. There is a difference between discernment and judging. Discernment looks at the facts of what is going on. It doesn’t judge but just looks at what is. And then instead of getting angry, resentful or upset it calmly decides on of course of action. Maybe getting curious about why the team member is not performing. Maybe exploring possibilities with the underperforming team member on how to increase their effectiveness. Discernment comes from a calm, resourceful state of mind. It uses the whole brain not just the brain stem. Judgment comes from a negative emotion. It operates from a place of stress.
What are the practical steps that we can put into place this minute now that we know the judge is super-active in all of us? The first step is to observe the judge working. When the judge is able to work in the background without us really noticing then it has a lot of power. However, when we see the judge for what it is, it loses some of its power. Some people like to name their judge and if you want to name yours it might help you to notice it more. When you see the judge is showing up calmly say to yourself, “There you are judge. I see you!” Take three or four deep breaths to get centered so that you can activate your whole brain. This will help calm the judge so that you can be more resourceful. Be gentle and patient with yourself as you begin to notice your judge. I was surprised how active mine was and still is at times!
So there are simple (but not easy!) steps you may take this month to weaken the Judge Saboteur. Next month I will spend time focusing on one of the assistant saboteurs. If you haven’t taken the assessment yet to find out what yours are use the link in last month’s blog entry.
Have an Amazing Monday (and everyday!)
Leanna Fredrich, Leadership, Career and Stress-Management Consultant
Leanna@amazingmondays.com