Recently as I was innocently going about my daily activities out of nowhere came a memory. Not one of those soft, fuzzy, warm memories that makes me smile. Oh, no, it was one of those embarrassing, crawl in a hole and never come out kind of memory. As my self-esteem plummeted and I cringed inside I began thinking. This memory was from years ago. Why am I still beating myself up?
I grew up being taught the importance of forgiveness. But the lessons I learned were all about forgiving others. I heard precious little about the importance of self-forgiveness. In fact there seemed to be an unstated encouragement to remember your short comings and mistakes so you won’t repeat them. It didn’t seem to work but there it was!
I believe one of the hidden stress inducers in most of our lives is regret, shame and lack of self-forgiveness. We carry our guilt like a weight on our shoulders. The pain of this sucks so much of the joy right out of our lives.
The fact is, until you can forgive yourself it is hard maybe even impossible to really forgive others. We can give it lip-service but we will not really feel the forgiveness deep inside. That said, I have embarked on a journey of self-forgiveness. Every time one of those memories come back to accuse me I take a moment to stop and do this simple exercise …
- Put your hand over your heart and breath in and out.
- Repeat this phrase over and over… I love you. I forgive you.
- Do this until you feel better.
I know this sounds too simple to work but I have found it to be effective and lead to a wonderful feeling of relief and lightness.
There are some memories that may need more attention for the guilt and pain to leave. For those memories I love tapping. If you have never heard of tapping check out this resource… Go to http://www.eftuniverse.com/research-and-studies/eft-research or listen to
Here’s a very generic tapping script to get you started. Substitute your own phrases if you wish.
Tapping Script
Karate Chop:
Even though I feel so guilty about what I did I love and accept myself anyway.
Even though I regret what I did, I love and accept myself anyway.
Even though I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive myself for this and maybe I shouldn’t I accept my feelings.
Eyebrow: This awful feeling of guilt.
Side of Eye: I’m so embarrassed.
Under Eye: I am so stupid.
Under Nose: I feel terrible about myself.
Chin Point: All this pain.
Collar Bone: I feel like hiding.
Under Arm: I’m not worthy.
Top of Head: This awful memory.
When the negative emotion lowers to a 5 or lower on a scale of 1-10 then you may move to the positive round.
Positive Round:
Eyebrow: I love feeling a little better.
Side of Eye: Everyone makes mistakes.
Under Eye: Beating myself up is not helping.
Under Nose: I am worthy of love.
Chin Point: I am learning and growing.
Collar Bone: I forgive myself.
Top of Head: I love myself.
Have an amazing Monday, (and everyday!)
Leanna Fredrich, Stress Management Coach, Adv. EFT, Adv. Psych-K
PS: If you are really struggling with self-forgiveness and would like some help email me at Leanna@amazingmondays.com