Did you grow up in a chaotic environment? If you did, you most likely have The Controller as one of your saboteurs. It can go either way. Some children who grow up in chaos recreate that environment and others decide they will do everything they can to never be out of control again! You don’t need to be raised in chaos to have The Controller as a saboteur. There are many life events that will cause us to turn to control to make us feel safe. Here’s a snapshot of what The Controller looks like. The Controller is driven to take charge and get others to follow their lead. If others do not follow, The Controller feels a high level of anxiety. They may confront, intimidate, push people out of their comfort zone and keep pushing them to conform. They pride themselves on being “straight-talkers”. They often relate to others through competition only rather then collaborating and relationship-building. The Controller is energized through conflict and challenges. They measure situations by either being in control out of control. You may be reading this and thinking…”Aren’t those just characteristics of a leader?” Here’s the difference – A leader leads without anxiety and intimidation. The Controller leads in a way that separates her from others and causes her and those around her anxiety and resentment.
When confronted, the lies The Controller share sound like this… “People want me to take control. No one tells me what to do! If I work hard enough I can control any situation and make things work out. ” If things are not working out the way the person wants The Controller ramps up the pressure and may become angry and intimidating when others do not follow their directions. They justify their behavior by believing that they are trying to get the job right for everyone’s benefit.
To be fair, a controller often gets at least temporary results but the costs are high. Those they work with feel resentful and anxious leading to lower productivity and quality of work. Collaboration and creativity goes out the window and often The Controller is left with little support. The fact is, there is so much of life that is uncontrollable which leads to the individual being ruled by The Controller to live at a constant level of high anxiety.
If you believe one of your top saboteurs is The Controller don’t despair. Simply begin noticing when it shows up. Greet it. “Well there you are! A bit busy today aren’t you!”
Then do what you can to calm and center yourself. Saboteurs love to live in the background. They want to do their work in secret. So just by noticing and calling them out you begin to weaken their power.
Have an Amazing Monday (and everyday!)
Leanna Fredrich, Leadership, Career and Stress-Management Consultant
Leanna@amazingmondays.com
PS: If you want to take an assessment to identify your saboteurs here is the link –https://www.positiveintelligence.com/assessments/