Is your mind taking you out of the game of life? Recently I was working with a soccer player. He told me that he had a very high standard for himself. In fact I do believe he used the word perfection.
While we as a society applaud a person with such lofty goals, those much-approved of standards were killing his performance. Here’s how it showed up for him…During a game if he did something right, fine, not much emotional reaction was seen. However when he made a mistake you could see the reaction in his body. The ducked head, fist shake, slumped shoulders. Sadly the more negatively he reacted the worse his performance became.
After a game on the way home he beat himself up for the mistakes, however small, he had made. He constantly corrected himself with a “Don’t ever do that again!” In contrast when he played well and they won, the celebration was short-lived.
Does this pattern sound at all familiar? Most of us play the game of life this way. When we make a mistake we spend a generous amount of energy shaming ourselves. The problem is, our subconscious mind discounts negatives like “don’t do that again,” It hears “Do that again.” It locks that into our brains with high emotional energy. And like black magic we end up making the same mistakes over and over.
At some point we take ourselves out of the game and begin to play small, safe and defeated. Sometimes it’s not obvious… the acquiescing to someone else at work even though we know we are right. The subtle, submissive body language. Hesitancy to share an idea or opinion.
So what do we do? Well, here are a few tips I shared with my soccer client and I believe they work beautifully in the business world as well.
1. When you make a mistake acknowledge it briefly with as little emotion as you can. Then quickly tell yourself what to do next time. For example instead of saying, “ You moron! Don’t you ever send a scathing email to your boss again” Say, “ Next time I will write down what I want to say, sleep on it and then decide if I will email her.”
2. When you do something right acknowledge it. Allow yourself to celebrate! Even if that celebration is just internal “high-fives” and “Wahoos!”
3. Watch your body language! Be aware when you are around your boss and co workers. How do you carry yourself? How do you speak? How do you present opinions and ideas?
4. If you catch yourself making submissive gestures like head bowing or poor posture notice it. Then practice standing and speaking with confidence.
5. Be loving and patient with yourself. Remember life is meant to enjoy. Reconnect with what delights you about this game of life and focus on that.
Have an amazing Monday! (and everyday.)
Leanna Fredrich, Stress Management Coach, Adv. EFT, Adv. Psych-K
PS: If you would like support in playing the game of life with ease and joy email me at Leanna@amazingmondays.com.